In this book review, I discuss Charles Duhigg’s new book, “Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection,” where he explores the art and science of human communication. He begins by outlining the three primary forms of conversation, and spends the rest of the book discussing them in detail.
- What’s this conversation really about? Typically these are practical conversations designed to help us make decisions.
- How does this conversation explore our feelings? Every discussion is influenced by emotions to some extent. Some are simply for that purpose.
- Who Are We? Acknowledging and navigating social identities helps bridge divides and fosters inclusivity.
Supercommunicators are able to align their conversations with others – making others feel a connection that builds trust.
In this post-election season, we all need to become better communicators. We need to talk with people with whom we disagree. Here are my takeaways from the book.
- Duhigg discusses “high centrality participants,” which he defines as people who have a communication gift, or have learned to communicate effectively. They tend to ask many more questions, are typically encouraging and empathetic, and often lead the conversation, encouraging people to listen to each other, or better explain ideas.
- Before having conversations, we need to understand what kind of conversation we want to have and bring the others on board. When people are having different kinds of conversations with each other, there are likely to be misunderstandings.
- We need to make conversations safe. Don’t aim for perfect conversations but aim to learn how others feel and think, and try to support each other. You may not agree with others, but can you better understand them? Be careful with biases and stereotypes.
- Acknowledging and admitting vulnerability can help you build trust. Do you understand the perspectives of others? Can you find any common ground?
I’m currently watching a few Father Brown episodes. He is a master communicator. In one episode, I watched this Catholic priest reach out to some Haitians who practiced Voodoo (a step too far for many Christians) and support them as they struggled in this small community. We live in a large and multicultural world. When are we going to learn to live and support each other, even when we don’t agree on everything?
